And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.
The nice thing about re-reading old posts is seeing what was important and on my mind at the time the post was originally written. My post from December 27, 2017 contained the following:
I have always struggled with relationships. I don’t mean family and friends but I’m referring to romantic, spousal husband-wife things where two people of the opposite sex appear to be able to cooperate and make a life together. I have never been successful.
I have spent over half of my life by myself wishing that I was in a relationship, and the rest of the time in a relationship or marriage but wishing that I was by myself. Fortunately I was never in a relationship with someone who was able to tolerate me for very long, so the relationships ended.
This year I found myself hovering on the fringes of a relationship that I had no business being in, with a person who had no interest being in it. Even so I was given to spend far too much time contemplating how wonderful the relationship would be, if I were in it.
What I really can’t stand is being at the whim of someone else’s affections. The relationship started, it ended. It started again, it ended again. When I was just comfortable with there being no relationship, it started again. Then swiftly ended. I was quite sure at this point that I was perfectly content to have no relationship, that it was God’s plan for my life, and that I needed my solitude in order to be able to fully devote myself to Matty’s Paradigm. Then the relationship started again. But not really.
On 8/20/2017 that I spoke with a person who didn’t want to be in a relationship with me, but wasn’t able to stop encouraging me to think that a relationship was possible, and I read them the passage above. I was concerned more than anything, not that I may or may not be in a relationship, but that I was wavering. It really bothered me to be so obviously double minded. One minute I am perfectly content to be single, the next I am passionately in love. Like a merry-go-round. I wanted to be just one thing. Stable, unchanging, not wavering or double minded.
My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.( James 1:2-8 ) KJV
Obviously I am better off alone because that’s how I always end up. Could it be possible to actually avoid the turmoil of another failed relationship by focusing on the Word of God?
I put it to the test. On 8/28/2017 I committed to praying three times a day for three weeks, as Daniel did when he was seeking wisdom regarding the timing of the Jewish exiles return from captivity. I decided to pray my way to a peaceful single mind about my relationship status.
What I actually learned was a much greater understanding of gravity and we got the idea to write Matty’s Paradigm as a year-long daily devotional. We came to understand the significance for physics if gravity is a created thing which came after space, time and matter existed.
Another piece of this puzzle is that as long ago as 2002 it became clear that the creation of gravity on the second day solved a huge number of scriptural issues and allowed a lot of physical evidence to drop into place in the Biblical narrative. By understanding gravity it has been possible to eliminate Copernicus, Galileo, Kepler and Newton as having any substantive barriers to the truth of the Bible. I was still concerned about Einstein. Part of the problem with Einstein is that his work is shrouded in a fog of what looks like incomprehensible math. This is a smoke screen, because his work is in fact the least substantive of all.
What happened during my 21 days of praying three times a day?
The most fundamental aspect of the theoretical foundation of modern science is the gravitational constant G. The assumption underlying it is that gravity is proportional to mass. This has allowed science to rationalize the mass of the sun being vastly greater than that of the earth, and provides the mathematical basis for science to deny the existence of hell. Newton gave science the mathematical tools it needed to be able to deny the existence of heaven and hell. We’re taking those tools away.
Gravity is not an effect of the existence of mass (or spacetime, but we can safely ignore Einstein’s contribution). Matter can exist in the absence of gravity, as it did before creation and on the first day, and gravity was created by God as a way to order creation as the Bible tells us. The causal relationship between matter and gravity does not exist. Newtonian physics and relativity are not irrelevant, but they are merely a way to describe our reality which is based on a false assumption. However, observational science is completely intact and the Bible is true.
This is a critical step in providing a solid basis for the whole of Matty’s Paradigm. A lot of it has already been written, but this theoretical anchor in no way contradicts anything that has been put in place so far.
So there you go, a somewhat agonized rendering of my confusion about a relationship. The relationship appears to be ongoing*. The decision didn’t have to be whether or not to be in a relationship or not. The relationship exists. It is. The decision was to accept it for what it is, and not to try to make it into something else.
There is an entire generation of souls in peril because of what science has told them about the history of our universe. What are we going to do about it? Personally I think we should cause irreparable damage to the theoretical foundation of modern science, and put a discussion of the science of creation back into our schools.
Am I now perfect, entire, wanting nothing? If I want to stop wavering and being double minded then that’s exactly what I can be. Time to stop wavering.
*No it isn’t, but how it came to its final end is a whole other story.